I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Randomize