Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
