I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
