I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
