I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Also, beer. Big fan.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
How naked do you want me to be?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
