News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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