I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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