the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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