Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Enjoy the penises
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
