was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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