im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
