Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
