You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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