i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
