It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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