so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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