Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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