It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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