He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize