bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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