We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
