fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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