I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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