So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
