I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
