you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
