He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You ate ashes out of my bong
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize