Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
