he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
