discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
