dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
