I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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