Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
