Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
