Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
