My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
