Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
