i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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