sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
