I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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