i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
don't judge my taste in strippers
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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