a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize