I wish I could punch you in the face.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
