Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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