Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
