he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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