I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
