Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize