Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
