I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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