I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
