I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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