We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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