She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
All I want is dick and wine.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
