his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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