I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
