I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
