brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
