Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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