based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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