oh god the rape fog is back!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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