I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
