I can text with my tongue
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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