the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
