He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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