i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
