Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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