dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
