i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
