its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
