i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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