My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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