I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize