I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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