WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
