its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
