DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
