my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
