I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
