Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
