I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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