Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
