I'm pants shitting drunk right now
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize