oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
