you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Randomize
