it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
