I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Someone signed my nipple.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
