Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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