super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
