did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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