we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
