New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize