She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I need to align my fucking chakras
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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