My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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