What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize