Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
