9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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