Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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