Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
