I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize