I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
