Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
