glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
